Facilitator Beware!

Recently did a facilitation for a client whom I've worked with for years and once again I fell in to the pitfall of facilitator hell not trusting my gut instinct! The client who connected with me was not the 'primary' client or decision-maker but rather the go-between for me and her boss. I was very clear from the outstart that I needed to connect with the primary client and was assured that this would happen. Having to deal with the go-between also increased from one to two people. In the end the primary declined from meeting with me and I therefore ended up going through 5 iterations of the meeting design which was approved by the primary. How it was explained by the go-betweens is not clear.

Besides the meeting design, the facilitation was critical yet only designated for 2 hours with incredible outcomes to fulfill. I knew to some extent I was setting myself up for failure, but I trusted in the integrity of the client to support me fully. On the day of the facilitation the primary client ends up walking in late to the meeting and we are immediately forced to begin. At one point during the facilitation I do a process check to see how the client is doing (who by the way is on his Blackberry looking at messages) and he turns to me stating 'he's lost'. When asked 'what is making you lost?" he provided little input leaving he rest of the participants and myself included guessing. Though the objectives for the meeting were actually achieved, the primary decided not to hire me again.

So what did I learn???
Trust my gut - when the primary refused or delayed meeting me I should have told the go-between that I can't do the facilitation unless I meet with him - AND stick to my guns!
During this meeting I would ensure that what the client wants is what he's getting so as to avoid 5 iterations of a meeting process design! Also, I would have negotiated with the primary, roles and responsibilities (i.e. no use of tech during the meeting and if she breaks a rule is it okay for me to intervene? I felt reluctant to intervene with her during the meeting as it would have put her on the spot and I hadn't built any rapport with her yet)?!
Finally, not take on a job where the objectives are outlandish and possibility for failure is so close you can almost taste it!